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NASA Discovers Water Ice Absolutely Everywhere In The Galaxy, Tourism Industry Immediately Files Permit Applications
NASA Astronauts Return From Historic Moon Trip, Immediately Ask If They Can Expense the Mileage
The Artemis II crew has splashed down safely after traveling farther from Earth than any humans in history. They have…
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OpenAI Eyes Wall Street IPO, Promises Investors It Won’t Become Sentient Until After the Lockup Period
OpenAI has surpassed $25 billion in revenue and is eyeing an IPO. The prospectus reportedly lists "sentience" as a risk…
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U.S. Navy Blockades Iranian Strait, Asks Iran To “Please Allow 3–5 Business Days For Geopolitical Resolution”
The United States Navy has established a military blockade of the Strait of Hormuz. Markets are alarmed. Cable news is…
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America Breaks Millionaire Record; Millions More Celebrate by Carefully Dividing a Single Avocado Toast
The number of American millionaires has hit an all-time record high, a development economists describe as 'historic' and which will…
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Coachella 2026 Fashion Experts: You Need Less Fabric and More Crochet Than Previously Understood
Fashion reporters have emerged from Coachella 2026 with sunburn, two terabytes of photos, and one unified conclusion: the human body…
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‘Fibermaxxing’ Is Now a Thing, Nation’s Gastroenterologists Quietly Prepare for Windfall
America has a new wellness trend called 'fibermaxxing,' and experts say it will peak around June when the influencer who…
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Scientists Find Water-Ice Clouds on Faraway Planet, Begin Planning Vacation They Will Never Take
Astronomers using the James Webb Space Telescope have detected water-ice clouds on a Jupiter-sized exoplanet 12 light-years away, challenging current…
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TIME100 Gala Confirms That Very Important People Are, Indeed, Very Important
The 2026 TIME100 Gala gathered the world's most influential people in one room in New York City to confirm, in…
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NFL Draft Opens in Pittsburgh; 257 Young Men’s Fates Decided by Men in Hats Over Three Days
The 2026 NFL Draft has kicked off in Pittsburgh, where thirty-two billionaires' sports franchises will select college athletes after six…
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AI Now Passes 50% of Humanity’s Last Exam, Humanity Unsure Whether to Be Impressed or Terrified
The world's most advanced AI models have crossed the 50% threshold on 'Humanity's Last Exam,' outperforming the average human score…
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