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NASA Discovers Water Ice Absolutely Everywhere In The Galaxy, Tourism Industry Immediately Files Permit Applications
Horse Named ‘Renegade’ Heavily Favored at Kentucky Derby Despite Trainer’s Growing Concerns About ‘The Name’
Churchill Downs fills with celebrities, enormous hats, and 19 thoroughbreds as the horse most likely to win is also the…
Read MoreScientists Confirm Neanderthals Went Extinct Due to Weak LinkedIn Game
New research reveals Homo sapiens survived not because they were smarter or stronger, but because they were significantly better at…
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Pentagon Bans AI Company for Being Too Polite, Signs Deals With Less Conscientious Robots
The Department of Defense signed AI contracts with seven major tech firms while blacklisting one company whose AI kept suggesting…
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Trump Rejects Iran Peace Deal on Day 64 of War, Cites Unacceptable Demand for ‘Basic Decency’
With the Strait of Hormuz still blocked and gas prices soaring, experts confirm the war is going great, just not…
Read MoreNASA Discovers Water Ice Is Everywhere In The Galaxy, Scientists Furious They Still Can’t Find It In Office Fridge
NASA's SPHEREx telescope has confirmed water ice exists in vast quantities across the Milky Way. Scientists at JPL are thrilled.…
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Pentagon Signs AI Deals With 7 Tech Companies, Immediately Wonders If It Should Have Asked The AI First
The Pentagon has signed classified AI agreements with seven leading tech firms, marking the largest expansion of AI into national…
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U.S. And Iran Agree The Strait Of Hormuz Is ‘Very Important,’ Refuse To Agree On Anything Else
Both nations in complete agreement that the Strait of Hormuz is very important, while being in total disagreement about literally…
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U.S. And Iran Agree The Strait Of Hormuz Is ‘Very Important,’ Refuse To Agree On Anything Else
Both nations in complete agreement that the Strait of Hormuz is very important, while being in total disagreement about literally…
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FISA, Iran, Gas Prices: Nation Confirms It Has Run Out Of Bandwidth And Is Just Going To Watch Something On Netflix
In what sociologists are describing as “a completely understandable and genuinely rational response to the current news environment,” a significant…
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U.S. And China Race For Critical Minerals; Geologists Suddenly The Most Important People At Any Party
The intensifying global competition for rare earth elements and critical minerals has transformed the formerly obscure field of economic geology…
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