WASHINGTON / TEHRAN — In what geopolitical experts are calling “an extremely expensive disagreement,” the United States and Iran entered their third consecutive week of dueling blockades in the Strait of Hormuz on Thursday, with both nations in complete agreement that the waterway is very important, while being in total disagreement about literally everything else.
The standoff, which Pentagon officials have priced at a cool $25 billion, began after President Trump rejected Iran’s proposal to reopen the critical passage, calling it “a bad deal, probably the worst deal I’ve ever refused to make.” Iranian officials responded by calling the American position “characteristically unhelpful,” which diplomatic observers noted was, at minimum, accurate.
Senate Republicans blocked yet another war powers resolution on Wednesday, voting 47-50 to ensure that Congress retains its constitutional right to schedule a fourth vote. The bill’s sponsor emerged from the chamber looking haunted. “We are constitutionally empowered to express concern,” he said, before being reminded that expressing concern costs about $800 million a week at current rates.
Global shipping companies — who simply want to move their goods from one continent to another without becoming an international incident — issued a joint statement Thursday expressing “deep frustration” and “a strong preference for adults to be in the room.” The statement was acknowledged with thoughts and prayers from both navies.
“We are not at war. We are conducting a well-funded disagreement at sea,” a senior Pentagon official told reporters Thursday, speaking on condition of anonymity because they had not yet checked if that sentence was legally defensible.
Iran’s state media described the standoff as “an act of aggression by the Great Satan,” while noting in paragraph four of the same press release that the waterway really should be open because everyone benefits from it. The contradiction was not addressed. A follow-up question was not taken.
Gas prices, which hit $4.30 a gallon on Thursday — the highest in four years — are expected to climb further as the blockade continues. AAA confirmed that American drivers are “very upset” and “somehow still driving everywhere, constantly, in enormous vehicles.”
Negotiations are described by both sides as “ongoing,” in the sense that both governments have agreed they would like negotiations to occur, though neither has agreed on the location, format, agenda, mediator, language, or definition of the word “negotiations.” Progress, officials say, is being made on developing a shared definition of progress.
At press time, the Strait of Hormuz remained closed, the $25 billion tab remained unpaid, and the Senate had adjourned for the weekend to attend a fundraiser.
Globe News Daily editorial note: We reached out to the Strait of Hormuz for comment. It declined, citing the fact that it is a body of water and does not do interviews at this time.
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