WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what is being described as either a remarkable coincidence or a buy-one-get-one scandal special, two sitting U.S. congressmen announced their departures from Capitol Hill on the same day Tuesday, sending Washington into its customary frenzy of performative shock.
Republican Rep. Tony Gonzales of Texas revealed he would not seek re-election as he faces an ethics investigation and a possible expulsion vote — which insiders note is not typically how you leave a job voluntarily.
Hours later, Democratic Rep. Eric Swalwell announced he would resign amid sexual misconduct allegations, completing what pundits are calling a bipartisan embarrassment double-header.
“It’s actually historic,” said one congressional historian. “Usually we only lose one member to scandal per news cycle. Today was unusually efficient.”
Both men thanked their constituents in farewell statements and said they looked forward to spending more time with their families — a phrase that, in Washington, is understood to mean approximately fourteen different things, none of them good.
The House Ethics Committee, reached for comment, said only that it was very busy and asked if reporters could come back Thursday.
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