In a shocking announcement that has gym memberships spiking overnight, major airlines have revealed their newest money-saving policy: passengers will now be weighed at check-in and charged based on their weight.
Dubbed “Fares by the Pound” (or “The Heavier You Are, The Higher You Pay” in fine print), the initiative is being rolled out worldwide starting next month.
🗣️ “Listen, fuel prices are up. People are up. Planes are sinking lower. We’ve done the math,” said airline CEO Jet McFly.
Upon arrival at the airport, passengers will step onto a “special scale” at check-in — disguised as a rug for maximum humiliation — and their weight will flash on a large screen (in kilograms AND pounds, for extra shame 😅).
💰 New Pricing Tiers Include:
- 🥜 $1.50 per kilo for Economy
- 🥂 $2.50 per kilo for Premium Economy
- 💼 $5 per kilo for Business Class (and a complimentary judgmental glare from flight attendants)
Passengers under 60kg fly free — but must sit on the tray table.
Airlines insist the new system is “fair for everyone”, claiming it’s based on physics, not fat-shaming. Meanwhile, personal trainers everywhere are licking their lips.
💬 “I was okay with paying for my luggage,” sighed traveler Linda Chubbs, “but paying $90 extra because I had pancakes this morning? RUDE.”
Fitness influencers have already turned airport scales into TikTok dance challenges.
“Just dropped 3kg by sweating through security!” bragged one viral video 🕺💦
Passengers trying to game the system have been spotted:
👕 Wearing 12 layers of clothing to “redistribute mass”
🧳 Smuggling snacks into neck pillows
🚶♀️ Speed walking laps around the terminal before check-in
Frequent flyer perks are being rebranded too:
🎖️ “The Lighter You Get, The Higher You Go” Miles Club now offers a free protein shake for every 5kg lost.
Airlines are also considering new surcharges for:
🚽 Excessive bathroom use
🎤 Talking too loud during takeoff
🧳 Trying to cram a second bag into the overhead bin
As the policy goes live, one thing’s for sure: “travel light” just became a survival strategy. 🏃♂️💨
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