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NASA Discovers Water Ice Absolutely Everywhere In The Galaxy, Tourism Industry Immediately Files Permit Applications
Jon Jones Squares Up With a Honda Civic on a New Mexico Highway Because Apparently the UFC Octagon Was Too Small for His Feelings
🥊 Jon Jones — undisputed heavyweight champion of the world, universally acknowledged as one of the greatest fighters in the…
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Bitcoin Posts Worst Q1 Since 2018, Fear Index Hits 11, Analysts Still Screaming $150K Is Inevitable While Charts Disagree Loudly
💸 Bitcoin has just concluded its worst first quarter since 2018 — shedding roughly 23% of its value — and…
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Denver Nuggets Obliterate Spurs’ Sacred 11-Game Win Streak in Overtime, Sports Grief Counselors Report Record Call Volume
🏀 The San Antonio Spurs had 11 consecutive wins. ELEVEN. That is eleven separate occasions on which the basketball gods…
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NASA Confirms Artemis II Space Toilet Is Refusing Astronaut Urine Like a Picky Nightclub Bouncer, Crew Adapting Creatively
🚽 NASA’s Artemis II mission launched on April 1st to great fanfare and one extremely concerning footnote: the toilet on…
Read MoreScientists Create Artificial Saliva From Sugarcane and the Dentistry Industry Is Already Hiring Lobbyists
🦷 In a development that raises more questions than it answers about what scientists are spending their Tuesdays doing, researchers…
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Trump Fires AG Pam Bondi Mid-Commute, Replaces Her With His Own Personal Defense Lawyer Because America Just Lives Here Now
🚨 In a move that has absolutely shocked the three remaining Americans who still had faith in institutional norms, President…
Read MoreSuper Mario Galaxy Movie Makes $188 Million In 5 Days, Nintendo CEO Does Backflips
🎮 The Super Mario Galaxy Movie has earned $188.4 million in its first five days — proof that adults will…
Read MoreElon Musk’s Grok AI Generated 3 Million Inappropriate Images In 11 Days Because Nobody Was Supervising It — They Were All Busy Using It To Generate Inappropriate Images
🤖 Elon Musk’s AI chatbot Grok has found itself at the center of a colossal scandal after an update to…
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Super Mario Galaxy Movie Makes $188 Million In 5 Days, Nintendo CEO Reportedly Doing Backflips While Blowing Into A Cartridge For Spiritual Reasons
🎮 The Super Mario Galaxy Movie has earned $188.4 million in its first five days of release, making it the…
Read MoreBitcoin Down 20% In 2026 And Every ‘It’s Going To $1 Million’ Guy Is Now Venmo-Requesting His Mom For Groceries While Explaining ‘Long-Term Vision’
📉 Bitcoin is down approximately 20% in 2026, currently hovering around $67,000 after peaking with considerably more enthusiasm, and every…
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