In what the White House is calling “a significant victory for American naval power,” and what the President is calling “the best ship heist of all time, possibly in history,” the U.S. Navy seized an Iranian-flagged cargo vessel in the Strait of Hormuz on Sunday after firing on the ship’s engine room and forcing it to a stop.
The operation, confirmed by the President in a series of social media posts that used the ship emoji no fewer than eleven times, marks a dramatic escalation of American pressure on Iran amid a naval blockade that has effectively cut off Iranian ports from global shipping.
“We just took the worst boat — and I’ve seen a lot of boats, believe me — we took it and it’s ours now. That’s how deals work. Nobody does boats like we do,” he wrote in a post that also included a poll asking followers to rate the seized vessel out of ten.
The seizure comes as the U.S. Senate rejected, by a vote of 52 to 47, a war powers resolution that would have required Congressional authorization for military action against Iran. All Senate Republicans except Rand Paul voted against the measure, with Paul reportedly telling colleagues he “just read the Constitution again and still thinks it says what it says.”
China’s Foreign Ministry condemned the blockade as “dangerous and irresponsible,” adding a warning that Chinese vessels should not be impeded — a statement that U.S. officials described as “noted” before returning to their screens.
“The international community is watching this situation very closely,” said a spokesperson for a European foreign ministry who asked not to be named because they are already exhausted. “We are issuing a strongly worded statement as soon as we finish writing it.”
Iran has not officially commented on the seizure, though state television is reportedly running a documentary about the history of Persian carpets on a loop, which analysts describe as “possibly coincidental.”
The seized cargo ship is currently anchored off an undisclosed location. The crew is reportedly fine and has been offered a buffet.
Globe News Daily reminds readers that international maritime law is very long and we have not read all of it yet, but we are confident someone has.
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