OTTAWA — In a stunning electoral victory that sent shockwaves through the nation’s Tim Hortons locations, Liberal leader Mark Carney claimed a majority government Monday night, becoming only the 14th prime minister in Canadian history to pull off such a feat.
“Canadians have spoken,” Carney told a jubilant crowd in Ottawa. “And what they said, clearly, is: ‘We’d like someone who has read an economics textbook.'”
The victory marks a dramatic reversal for a party that, just months ago, was polling somewhere between ‘root canal’ and ‘stepping on a LEGO.’ Analysts attribute the turnaround to voter anxiety, American tariff chaos, and the fact that Canadians, when sufficiently provoked, will vote for anyone who says ‘I am not Donald Trump’ with enough conviction.
Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre reportedly said nothing following the results and simply stared at a wall for 45 minutes before being driven home.
Carney pledged to focus his majority mandate on strengthening the economy and reinforcing Canadian sovereignty, making it very clear to the southern neighbours that Canada is, in fact, not the 51st state.
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