By Gail Force | Globe News Daily’s Feline Affairs Correspondent
Silicon Valley, California — A shocking MIT study has revealed that domestic cats control approximately 37% of all internet traffic, primarily through strategically placed paws on keyboards and “accidental” video calls to random contacts.
“We always suspected cats were up to something,” said lead researcher Dr. Whiskers McFloof. “But we didn’t realize they’d organized. There’s evidence of coordinated attacks on ‘work from home’ Zoom meetings and systematic disruption of online shopping carts.”
The study found cats primarily target:
- Online grocery orders (adding extra tuna)
- Work emails (sending “meow” to entire company)
- Social media (posting blurry selfies)
- Video conferences (walking in front of camera at crucial moments)
Internet service providers are now offering “Feline Firewalls” and “Cat-Proof Keyboards,” though early reviews suggest the cats are already bypassing these measures.
Disclaimer: This article is 100% satire. Your cat definitely isn’t reading this over your shoulder right now. Probably.
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