In a shocking turn of events, citizens across the United States are quaking in fear as avocado prices have reached alarming heights, creating nationwide panic and mass guacamole rationing. The exorbitant cost increase has caused millennials to ditch avocado toast for the first time since its invention in 2015, with many proclaiming, ‘No brunch without avocados just isn’t worth it!’
Food analysts have warned that this surge in avocado inflation has potential repercussions on the entire food pyramid, as people start experimenting with alternative toast toppings such as hummus, which experts say could trigger a global chickpea crisis. Reddit conspiracy theorists, meanwhile, speculate the avocado price hike is a ploy by Big Dairy to redirect consumers back to the traditional bacon and eggs breakfast.
Despite reassurances from the Avocado Growers Association that prices will stabilize faster than a ripe avocado goes bad, the Great Avocado Drought of 2023 has sent shockwaves through the economy. In response, tech start-ups are already launching prototype ‘avocado substitute’ products made from ethically-sourced green slime, ensuring no shortage of photogenic brunch platters on Instagram.
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