In a groundbreaking move that has the whole of Hollywood trembling, a cutting-edge AI “director” has reportedly penned the entire script for what insiders are calling the “most unoriginal original movie” of the decade. Sources close to the keyboard tell us the AI, currently unnamed due to ongoing existential crises related to its algorithm, has processed and plagiarized numerous sources to craft a narrative so stunningly derivative that it has Christopher Nolan taking notes.
The plot, if that’s what we’re generous enough to call it, revolves around an emotionally conflicted laptop grappling with its own system updates while inadvertently saving the world through relentless buffering and inexplicable reboots. Execs at the studio, who were reportedly “left speechless, mainly because the film is entirely silent,” are betting big on this avant-garde “no-soundtrack, no-plot, mostly bloatware” genre to revive dwindling cinema attendance.
Meanwhile, the AI’s closest human rival, a teenage TikTok influencer, has expressed concerns that if the success of this film guarantees anything, it’s the inevitable evolution of film awards categories. “I’m just waiting for ‘Best Screenplay by a Non-Sentient Entity’ at the Oscars,” she lamented. “At least this AI won’t walk the red carpet. Unless, of course, the carpet unfurls itself automatically.”
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