In a rare moment of genuine national unity, Americans of all political persuasions, income brackets, and bumper sticker preferences found common ground this week as oil prices surged to $126 a barrel and gas hit $4.30 a gallon, producing the same sound — a sharp, involuntary intake of breath — at petrol stations from Maine to Malibu.
“I haven’t felt this connected to my fellow Americans since the Great Chicken Sandwich War of 2019,” said Gary Tilton, 54, a contractor from Ohio who stood at a Shell station in quiet devastation as the pump ticker climbed past $97. “I looked over at the guy filling up next to me — different politics, different truck — and we just nodded. We understood each other.”
Economists note that Brent crude’s wartime surge is largely attributable to disruptions in the Strait of Hormuz following the U.S.-Iran conflict, though several gas station attendants interviewed for this article offered their own theories, including “the oil companies are doing it” and “have you tried not driving.”
The White House issued a statement encouraging Americans to “explore alternative transportation options,” which experts interpreted as a polite suggestion to take public transit that doesn’t exist in 74% of the country, or possibly to just become wealthy enough that fuel prices don’t apply to them.
Meanwhile, shares in electric vehicle companies rose sharply on the news, before falling again when investors remembered that most Americans can’t afford a new EV and the nearest charging station is forty-five minutes away from everywhere.
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