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American Consumer Confidence Hits Historic Low; Nation Collectively Considers Moving to Cave

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what economists are calling “deeply concerning” and what ordinary Americans are calling “yeah, no kidding,” the University of Michigan Consumer Sentiment Index plummeted to 47.6 this month — the lowest reading in the survey’s 74-year history, shattering the previous record set during a time when people had already given up.

The index, which measures how Americans feel about their financial situation and the broader economy, has traditionally hovered somewhere between “cautious optimism” and “mild dread.” April’s reading suggests the nation has entered uncharted territory best described as “sitting in a parking lot eating a gas station sandwich and thinking about your credit score.”

“We’ve never seen numbers like this,” said Dr. Harold Tweed, a consumer sentiment researcher who asked not to be identified by his real name because his own sentiment has also collapsed. “Typically, when we ask Americans how they feel about making major purchases, at least a few of them say ‘sure, why not.’ This month, the most common response was a long, slow exhale.”

The drop comes amid accelerating inflation approaching 4%, a weakening job market, and what many survey participants described as “a general sense that something is deeply wrong but nobody will tell us exactly what.” Consumer price inflation has risen steadily this year, with the OECD projecting it will hit 4% by year’s end — a figure that economists describe as “significant” and that grocery shoppers describe as “why does this cost that much.”

“I used to feel confident about the economy,” said Linda Farber, 52, a school administrator from Columbus, Ohio, who participated in the survey. “Now I feel confident that I should stop looking at my bank account before bed. That’s a kind of confidence, right?”

The report also noted a sharp decline in plans for big-ticket purchases such as homes, cars, and appliances. New home purchase intentions fell to their lowest point since the survey began tracking them, with one focus group participant reportedly responding to the question “Are you planning to buy a house in the next 12 months?” by laughing for four minutes before composing himself and writing “no.”

Political analysts noted that even among Americans who voted for President Trump in 2024 — historically a more optimistic cohort — none of the 13 focus group participants surveyed said the military situation in Iran was going well, adding a geopolitical dimension to the economic gloom.

“Look, I still believe in the direction of the country,” said one anonymous focus group participant. “I just don’t believe I can afford to live in it.”

Congress responded to the news by scheduling a series of hearings on consumer confidence, which are expected to make consumers feel significantly worse.

Globe News Daily editorial note: Our own editorial team’s sentiment index is at 44.2, driven by the discovery that the office coffee machine now costs $0.75 per cup. We are monitoring the situation closely.

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