🎮 The Super Mario Galaxy Movie has earned $188.4 million in its first five days — proof that adults will pay IMAX prices to watch a cartoon plumber jump through space. 🌟💰 According to the Bureau of We Already Knew This (BWAKT), Nintendo CEO Shuntaro Furukawa was spotted doing backflips in the boardroom while blowing into a cartridge “for good luck,” despite the movie being entirely digital. Science cannot explain this but it clearly worked.
😂 The film opened at 4,252 theaters to crowds in overalls, princess gowns, and one man dressed as a mushroom “ironically, but also sincerely.” 🍄 Critics praised “the most emotionally devastating star-collectible scene in cinema history.” Three reviewers cried in the lobby. One demanded his name removed from his review “to protect my reputation as someone who does not cry at Mario movies,” which is now gone forever. 🌟
🤯 Nintendo stock leapt 12%. Analysts project $900M global gross. A sequel is already greenlit; working title: “More Mario.” Budget: “whatever it costs.” 📈 Several Bitcoin investors noted this milestone “with complicated feelings.” Universal Pictures released a statement that was just the number $188,000,000 followed by three exclamation points and then the word “sorry.”
💬 A 47-year-old in a full Mario costume, exiting with red eyes and a souvenir cup the size of a small child, said: “It’s for my kids. They fell asleep in the first act. The movie is incredible. I will be seeing it again tomorrow. This conversation is over.” He then walked directly back to the ticket booth. 🎩⭐
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