🤖 OpenAI has closed a new funding round worth $122 billion at a post-money valuation of $852 billion — making it, officially, the most expensive company in history that cannot tell you with certainty whether it is conscious. 💰 The round, described by financial analysts as “a number that should not be possible” and by OpenAI’s PR team as “a validation of our mission,” was led by investors who according to the Bureau of Capital That Has Simply Given Up on Normal Metrics collectively represent 14 sovereign wealth funds, 6 pension plans, and one extremely enthusiastic Emirati prince.
😂 OpenAI is now generating $2 billion in monthly revenue and approaching 1 billion weekly active users, numbers CEO Sam Altman described as “just the beginning” at a press event where the catering alone cost more than the GDP of several Pacific island nations. 🍽️ The company plans to use the new capital to build more data centers, hire more researchers, and continue its core mission of creating artificial general intelligence “for the benefit of all humanity” — a phrase that everyone present applauded while sitting in chairs that cost $4,000 each.
🤯 For context on the $852 billion figure: it is larger than the GDP of the Netherlands, Switzerland, and Argentina combined. It is 4 times the value of Disney. It is, according to a researcher at the Institute for Numbers That Make People Uncomfortable at Dinner, “the kind of valuation that only makes sense if you believe the product will eventually run everything, which is either reassuring or terrifying depending on how you feel about everything.” 📊 Anthropic’s Model Context Protocol crossed 97 million installs the same week, which the valley celebrated by releasing a competing press release about their own funding.
💬 “We’re not just building a product,” said an unnamed OpenAI executive at a rooftop party that cost $800,000 to cater, cradling a glass of natural wine, “we’re building the future. And the future, it turns out, is valued at approximately $852 billion dollars, which I think we can all agree is correct.”
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