America’s gastroenterologists are experiencing what the American Gastroenterological Association is delicately calling “an unprecedented volume of enthusiastic new patients,” following the widespread adoption of a health trend known as FiberMaxxing — a dietary movement in which participants attempt to consume the full recommended 25 to 38 grams of dietary fiber per day, every day, immediately, starting now.
The movement, which has swept through wellness communities and health influencer channels with the velocity of something high in soluble fiber, has driven a nationwide surge in legume purchases, a near-total depletion of cabbage from major grocery chains, and what one supermarket logistics manager described as “a psyllium husk situation.”
“We support the principle,” said Dr. Patricia Mulrooney, a gastroenterologist practicing in Phoenix. “Dietary fiber is genuinely important and most Americans do not get enough of it. The issue is that seventeen million people attempting to immediately correct this deficit simultaneously is creating a specific kind of challenge in our waiting rooms.”
Nutrition experts note that FiberMaxxing follows closely on the heels of last year’s Protein Era, in which Americans consumed enormous quantities of chicken breast, Greek yogurt, and powdered supplements in an effort to achieve a physique that would impress people at airports. Fiber is now considered the new protein, except quieter and, sources confirm, much more effective.
The humble cabbage has emerged as an unexpected hero of the movement, after Pinterest identified it as a breakout ingredient based on a dramatic increase in recipe saves. Cabbage farmers, who have historically not been the subject of celebrity endorsements, are described by their association as “cautiously overwhelmed.”
“I’ve been growing cabbage for thirty-one years,” said one farmer in upstate New York. “Last Tuesday a woman drove two hours to buy my entire inventory. She said she was ‘fibermaxxing.’ I looked it up. I have complicated feelings.”
Health authorities say the trend is, broadly speaking, fine, and encourage Americans to increase their fiber intake gradually, with adequate water, and perhaps not in the context of a competition.
Globe News Daily has increased its own fiber intake by adding a decorative fruit bowl to the office kitchen. The bananas are still there. Nobody is touching the bananas.
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