🚀 In a move that has left the scientific community simultaneously proud and profoundly embarrassed, NASA has officially scheduled the Artemis 2 moon mission — the first crewed lunar voyage in over half a century — for April 1st, also known worldwide as the one day per year when absolutely nobody believes anything anyone says. According to a stunning new report from the Institute for Chronologically Questionable Government Decisions, this makes Artemis 2 the first moon mission in history to be greeted primarily with “lol nice try” and skull emojis. Four astronauts are reportedly training for the mission while also having to convince their families this is real. 🌕
😂 When NASA Administrator Bill Nelson announced the April 1 launch window at a press conference, the assembled journalists reportedly laughed for a full 90 seconds before realizing he wasn’t joking. NASA’s social media team then posted “We promise this is real” to X/Twitter, which immediately got 47,000 ratio replies from people saying “sure buddy.” Meanwhile, the four Artemis 2 astronauts — who will fly around the moon and return to Earth in what is technically history’s most expensive April Fools Day activity — said they are “extremely confident” in the mission, adding that they have reviewed a new study finding that astronaut sperm “gets confused and swims in circles” in microgravity. 🫠 One astronaut asked that we not mention that last part. We are mentioning it.
🤯 Things got more chaotic when a massive solar flare — which NASA described as an “X1.4-class event” and everyone else described as “the sun is also doing a bit” — erupted near the launch window. Space weather experts assured the public that the four astronauts would be fine, though they noted the solar particles might interfere with certain biological processes at speed, including, per one researcher who immediately tried to walk it back, “the spinning situation.” Meanwhile, conspiracy forums exploded with claims that the April 1 date was actually a secret admission that the original moon landing was fake, a theory debunked by the fact that we can literally watch the rocket launch live in 4K. 📡 But the forums remain unconvinced. One user posted: “If it was REAL they would have picked April 2nd.” This is now their most upvoted comment ever.
💬 When pressed at the final pre-launch briefing about whether NASA understood the PR problem of an April 1 launch, spokesperson Dr. Connie Hartmann reportedly stared into the middle distance for a long moment before saying: “We are aware of the calendar. We are aware of the jokes. We have four people strapping themselves to a controlled explosion pointed at the moon. The jokes are not our biggest concern right now.” 🔥👩🚀
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