Cape Canaveral, FL — In a discovery shaking the very foundations of astronomy, NASA scientists announced today they’ve found a massive hidden ocean inside the Moon, describing it as “basically a giant cosmic water balloon we’ve been stepping on for decades.”
Dr. Linda Spillman, head of the Lunar Anomalies Division, said the discovery was made accidentally when an intern spilled Mountain Dew on the lunar imaging console. “At first, we thought the weird readings were a glitch,” Spillman explained. “Then we realized… the Moon was sloshing.”
According to NASA, the Moon’s ocean spans three times the size of Earth’s Pacific Ocean and is filled with what researchers describe as “strangely fizzy, slightly lemony water.” Early tests suggest the water may contain traces of Gatorade, prompting theories that aliens invented electrolytes first.
🚀 Tourism Rush Already Underway
Within hours of the announcement, several cruise lines—including Carnival and Royal Caribbean—unveiled “MoonSea” packages promising luxury submersible tours under the lunar surface. Early brochures describe:
- All-you-can-eat freeze-dried shrimp buffet
- Zero-gravity scuba diving with astronaut-certified floaties
- Nighttime submarine karaoke featuring hits like “Walking on the Moon” and “Rocket Man”
Elon Musk announced plans to build a “Lunar Yacht Club” and is already selling NFTs for memberships. “If we can put a car in space,” Musk tweeted, “we can park a yacht on the Moon’s ocean.”
🌕 World Leaders React
The United Nations released a joint statement asking, “Wait… the Moon is hollow? And full of water? Were the conspiracy guys right this whole time?” Meanwhile, flat Earthers were reportedly “rethinking some things.”
In an unexpected twist, France immediately claimed the Moon’s ocean under international maritime law. A French official said, “We are naming it La Mer de Lune. Fishing rights, please.”
🦑 What Lies Beneath?
NASA cautioned that sonar scans of the lunar ocean revealed “large, moving shapes” but stressed there’s no immediate danger. Dr. Spillman added, “Unless, of course, we’ve just awakened something that’s been asleep for 3 billion years.”
At press time, the Moon’s surface appeared to ripple slightly, and astronomers confirmed hearing a faint sound resembling “blub blub” through lunar seismic monitors.
Stay tuned to Globe News Daily as this story unfolds—or unravels.
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