By Dee Zaster | Globe News Daily Reporter of Jet-Fueled Geopolitics
In what experts are calling either “a bold diplomatic move” or “the world’s most expensive roast,” the nation of Qatar has gifted the United States a brand new $400 million Air Force One, designed exclusively for former President Donald Trump — because, according to a Qatari official, “his current plane was giving budget Miami strip mall energy.”
“We thought America deserved a flying palace, not a rusty MAGA bus with wings,” said a Qatari diplomat while sipping coffee that costs more than the Pentagon’s dental plan.
The Features of Air Force One-Q Include:
- Solid gold toilet shaped like the Lincoln Memorial
- Custom tanning booth set to “Mar-a-Lago Bronze”
- A McDonald’s that only serves Filet-O-Fish (Trump’s alleged favorite)
- Golf simulator that auto-hits a hole-in-one (every time, guaranteed)
- A button that simply says “BUILD WALL (IN THE SKY)”
Trump’s Response
Trump, upon seeing the aircraft, declared it “the most luxurious, most powerful, most humble jet ever made — possibly in history, folks.”
“Crooked Joe Biden would’ve never gotten this deal. He can barely get a seat upgrade on Southwest,” Trump told reporters. “Qatar respects strength. And hair. Mostly hair.”
Melania has reportedly refused to board the plane until it includes a silent wing.
Congress Is Confused, But Jealous
While legal experts scramble to determine whether foreign luxury jets can be gifted to ex-presidents, Trump has already renamed it:
“TRUMP FORCE ONE: QATAR EDITION”
(with “TRUMP” written across the fuselage in 30-foot gold lettering visible from space… and certain emotional support satellites).
A bipartisan group in Congress is now asking if they too can get free jets from oil nations, with one senator yelling, “I’ve been flying economy on Delta since the Bush era!”
More soon on developing absurdities, including reports that Saudi Arabia is gifting Elon Musk a golden blimp shaped like his ego.
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